The End of The School Year Breakup

I was driving in the car today and I had a tight pang in my heart thinking of a recently graduated sixth grader and his family.  It was a moment where I missed this little man and his tight little hugs.  I missed looking into his eyes because he believes I can do no wrong.  I was once again reminded that these kids leave the doors of my classroom, of the building, but they never leave my heart.

I sat at dinner tonight and spoke of one of my former girls.  Her kindness, compassion, and strength were indescribable.  I shook my head trying to imagine my classroom without her next year.  Doing the dishes today I thought of a student and got so excited that I get to see him in the summer program next week.  I thought of his last words in my classroom, "I'm so glad I don't have to say goodbye to you today.  That would just be terrible."  I finished doing the dishes with tears in my eyes, missing all of my kids.

See, parents, what many of you don't realize is that we fall in love with your children.  We know their voices, their laughs, their mischievous ways... We know their tears, their temperments, and their fears.  At the end of the year it is no longer about their math skills, reading abilities, or writing.  That social studies test is long forgotten, and the grade on that chemistry lab is no longer in our minds.  We are thinking of saying goodbye.

The end of the year for many kids and teachers is like a bad breakup.  We want to teach them the final lessons they need to carry themselves throughout life... And yet, they are not in a place to listen.  Some of them cling tighter and become more needy, holding onto the last bit of stability they have before they venture into middle school; more hugs are given, and more smiles are shared.  While others become bolder and test the waters knowing that there isn't much left you can do to keep them in line.  Teachers like me ride a bit more of an emotional roller coaster.  The goodbye hug and tears, coupled with me yelling at you for sneaking off and screaming swears in the bathroom, can be a bit confusing for a child (and for me, too).  I wish they knew it came from a place of good... Frustration, but also good. 

Sometimes the hardest part of this breakup comes after the summer, and later on into the following school year and life.  It comes when the teacher is reminded of a student who never stayed in touch and never came back to visit.  When you wonder if they are changing the world the way you hoped, or if they are hitting rock bottom because you didn't do the saving you intended.  It comes to the student who comes back to visit, but hasn't changed at all since elementary school, leaving the teacher confused about how to relate to this adult child.  Sometimes the hardest part is when they do come back to visit, and you realize that you have just played a small part in their greatness, and they don't and didn't really ever need you.  Teachers try to "follow" their former students - they ask other educators, friends, and coaches how their kids are doing, and yet none of the messages do justice to their true life experiences.
  
The night before school starts in September is the worst.  Not because summer vacation is coming to an end, but because teachers across the country try to envision their new school year without the love and laughter that walked out in June.  Don't get me wrong - we are definitely excited about a new batch of kids - but we once again mourn the graduates.  Usually, on my first day, I drive to school thinking of my former students entering junior high for the first time.  I worry about them, smile thinking of them, and say a special prayer for their success.  See, once you have loved someone they become a piece of you... And whether you want to, or not, you carry their thinking, perspective, and experiences inside of you somewhere.  Thank you, Class of 2014, for making me a better teacher, and person.  I belt this out and think of you every single time is comes on my radio: